When a man looks you in the eyes, holds your hand, and says all the right things, it’s almost impossible not to believe he’s being sincere. The way he talks about “someday” plans, the way his messages light up your phone at all hours, the little surprises that make you feel special—it all paints a picture of someone who’s ready for something real. In those moments, it’s easy to believe you’ve finally found your person.
He might tell you he’s never met anyone like you. He might hint at shared holidays, moving in together, or even marriage “down the road.” Every conversation and gesture makes you feel like you’re building toward a future together.
But then, slowly, the cracks begin to show. At first, they’re small—he cancels a date at the last minute or takes a little longer to reply to messages. Then, the patterns grow clearer. His actions stop matching his promises. Conversations about the future suddenly become vague. Commitment always seems “too soon,” no matter how much time has passed. Plans get postponed again and again. And you’re left lying awake, wondering if he ever truly meant what he said… or if he’s been pretending all along.
If you’ve experienced this, you know how exhausting and emotionally draining it can be. It’s a rollercoaster—moments of intense connection followed by confusion, disappointment, and self-doubt. You question yourself. You wonder if you did something wrong, or if you missed obvious red flags.
The truth is, not every man who acts interested actually wants a committed relationship. Sometimes, his intentions have little to do with love and everything to do with convenience, ego, fear of loneliness, or personal gain.
The good news? When you understand the possible motives behind this behavior, you can spot the patterns early, protect your emotional well-being, and avoid wasting months—or even years—on someone who was never going to give you what you deserve.
With that in mind, here are 19 possible reasons he pretends to want a relationship—and what you can do about each one.
1. He Likes the Attention, Not the Commitment
Some men enjoy the thrill of being pursued and adored without wanting the responsibility of being someone’s partner. You make him feel wanted, which feeds his ego, but he doesn’t intend to invest long-term.
How to Handle It: Pull back on the constant validation and see if he steps up when your attention isn’t guaranteed.
2. He Wants Physical Intimacy Without Emotional Investment
For some men, pretending to want a relationship is a way to access physical closeness without giving genuine commitment. They know women often prefer intimacy in a committed relationship—so they mimic one.
How to Handle It: Pay attention to whether emotional connection grows alongside physical closeness. If not, it’s a red flag.
3. He’s Fresh Out of a Breakup
If he just ended a relationship, he might be looking for a rebound—someone to fill the emotional gap. He may not even realize he’s not ready for something real.
How to Handle It: Ask about his dating history and how long he’s been single. Emotional unavailability often hides behind “I’m ready now.”
4. He Loves the Idea of You, Not the Reality
Sometimes, men get attached to an idealized version of you—the fun, exciting, highlight-reel side. But when real-life responsibilities and flaws emerge, they lose interest.
How to Handle It: Be your authentic self from the start. It filters out those who only want a fantasy.
5. He’s Afraid of Being Alone
Loneliness can drive people into pretending they want something serious. For him, having “someone” is better than having no one—even if he knows he can’t give full commitment.
How to Handle It: Notice if he’s rushing into things unnaturally fast; it’s often a sign of fear, not love.
6. He Wants Social Validation
A relationship can be a status symbol. Some men like how it looks to have a partner, even if they aren’t emotionally invested.
How to Handle It: Watch for whether he treats you like a trophy in public but ignores you in private.
7. He’s Keeping His Options Open
He might pretend to want a relationship while still dating others. You’re one of several “maybes” while he decides who gives him the best deal.
How to Handle It: Look for inconsistent communication patterns or sudden disappearances—signs you’re not his priority.
8. He’s Using You for Emotional Support
Sometimes men lean on women for comfort, advice, and encouragement without intending to reciprocate. You become his therapist, not his partner.
How to Handle It: Set boundaries on how much emotional labor you’re giving without commitment.
9. He’s Chasing the Honeymoon Phase
He loves the excitement of early romance but not the deeper stages that require work. When the initial spark fades, so does he.
How to Handle It: See if he invests effort when the relationship moves past the “new and shiny” stage.
10. He Doesn’t Know What He Wants
Indecision can look a lot like pretending. He might think he wants a relationship, but deep down, he’s unsure—and you end up in limbo.
How to Handle It: Ask directly about his intentions and timelines. Vague answers are a warning sign.
11. He Wants to Prove Something to Himself
Some men enter relationships just to feel desirable, attractive, or capable of “getting” someone like you. Once they’ve proved it to themselves, they lose interest.
How to Handle It: Notice if his energy fades as soon as he “wins” you over.
12. He’s Hiding a Secret
Whether it’s another partner, financial issues, or a hidden lifestyle, he might act committed to cover up what’s really going on.
How to Handle It: Trust your gut—if something feels off, it probably is.
13. He’s Influenced by Peer Pressure
If his friends are settling down, he might think he should too—without actually being ready. This leads to half-hearted relationships.
How to Handle It: Ask whether his desire for a relationship comes from within or outside expectations.
14. He’s Trying to Win Back an Ex’s Attention
Yes, some men start “serious” relationships just to make an ex jealous. You become a prop in someone else’s love story.
How to Handle It: Watch for signs he still talks about or stalks his ex on social media.
15. He’s Confused Attraction for Compatibility
Physical chemistry can make him think he wants a relationship—until he realizes there’s no deeper connection.
How to Handle It: Assess whether you’re building emotional intimacy, not just enjoying physical attraction.
16. He Wants Financial or Lifestyle Benefits
Some men pursue relationships to gain access to money, housing, or social perks. They play the part until they’ve gotten what they want.
How to Handle It: Be mindful of whether the relationship is balanced in giving and taking.
17. He’s Playing the Long Game for His Ego
He enjoys keeping you hooked as a “just in case” option, even if he has no intention of committing now—or ever.
How to Handle It: Don’t let someone keep you as a backup plan. Make your worth non-negotiable.
18. He’s Confused Love with Convenience
You’re available, kind, and supportive—but he’s more in love with the convenience than with you.
How to Handle It: Notice if he’s with you out of genuine desire or because it’s easy.
19. He Wants to Avoid Conflict
He might know he doesn’t want a relationship but pretends to avoid hurting your feelings—until it blows up later.
How to Handle It: Value honesty over temporary comfort. It’s better to know sooner than later.
How to Protect Yourself When He’s Pretending
- Trust Actions Over Words – If what he says doesn’t match what he does, believe the actions.
- Ask Direct Questions Early – Don’t wait months to clarify intentions.
- Don’t Ignore Red Flags – If your intuition is warning you, listen.
- Maintain Your Independence – Keep your own hobbies, friends, and goals.
- Be Willing to Walk Away – The right man won’t make you doubt his intentions.
Final Thoughts
A man pretending to want a relationship isn’t just playing with your time—he’s playing with your heart. The confusion, the mixed signals, the constant second-guessing… it can drain your self-esteem and make you question your own judgment. Emotional scars from these experiences often linger, making it harder to trust the next person who comes along.
But here’s the empowering truth: recognizing the signs early puts the power back in your hands. You’re no longer a passive participant in his game—you become the one who decides whether to stay or walk away. The moment you see patterns that don’t align with your values or your vision for love, you can choose to protect your peace instead of chasing false promises.
Real love is steady. It shows up when it says it will. It doesn’t make you feel like you have to compete for attention, decode hidden meanings, or wonder if you’re “enough.” The right relationship will feel like a safe place to land, not a battlefield of uncertainty.
When you truly know your worth, you stop negotiating with people who are only halfway in. You stop clinging to potential and start prioritizing reality. And in doing so, you create space for someone who won’t just pretend to love you—but will actually show you, every single day, that they do.
