One of the most important—and often life-defining—questions you can ever ask yourself is this: Is this person God’s choice for me?
In a world where relationships can be rushed, romance is idealized, and emotions run high, it’s easy to mistake chemistry for compatibility or emotional excitement for divine confirmation. The heart can be persuasive, but feelings alone are not always proof of God’s blessing.
Choosing a life partner is not just another decision—it’s one of the most significant choices you will ever make. Who you marry will influence every aspect of your life: your spiritual walk, your emotional health, your family’s future, and even the legacy you leave behind. This is why it’s essential to discern God’s will before you give your heart completely.
Being God’s choice for someone goes far beyond enjoying each other’s company, having mutual hobbies, or sharing physical attraction. Those things may be pleasant, but they’re not the foundation for a covenant marriage. A God-ordained relationship is one that aligns with His will, His Word, and His perfect timing. It is a partnership where both hearts are committed to honoring Him—not just in the good times, but through trials, growth, and lifelong commitment.
God’s plan for marriage isn’t about temporary passion or fleeting infatuation—it’s about building a sacred, unbreakable bond that reflects His love for the Church. It’s about choosing someone who will pray with you, stand with you in storms, and grow with you in faith.
So, how can you know if God is truly guiding you toward marriage—or quietly warning you to step back? Sometimes His answer comes in the form of red flags you can’t ignore. The Holy Spirit often nudges us with signs, a lack of peace, or wisdom through Scripture and godly counsel.
With that in mind, let’s look at 18 clear signs that he’s not the one God has chosen for you—so you can guard your heart, protect your future, and walk confidently in His plan. Remember, God’s best for you will never require you to compromise your peace, values, or purpose. Read below:
1. He Doesn’t Have a Relationship with God
This is the foundation of a godly relationship. If he doesn’t know Christ personally, has no interest in prayer, or refuses to grow spiritually, he cannot lead you into a God-centered marriage. The Bible warns, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14 NKJV). Hoping you can “change him” is risky—God’s Word calls for a shared faith from the start, not after marriage.
2. He Pulls You Away from God
A God-sent partner should inspire you to grow closer to the Lord, not drift away from Him. If being with him makes you skip church, neglect prayer, or compromise your spiritual priorities, that’s a red flag. The right man will support your walk with God, not compete with it.
3. He Doesn’t Encourage Your God-Given Dreams
God often sends people who will help us fulfill our purpose. If he belittles your calling, mocks your ambitions, or pressures you to abandon what God has placed in your heart, he’s working against your destiny. A true partner will cheer you on toward God’s plans for your life.
4. He Doesn’t Respect Women
Respect goes beyond politeness—it’s rooted in valuing women as God’s creation. If he belittles, objectifies, or abuses women in any way, he’s contradicting God’s heart. The Bible commands husbands to “give honor to the wife… as being heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7 NKJV).
5. He Lacks Integrity
A man without honesty, reliability, or moral consistency will eventually break your trust. God’s choice will be someone whose words and actions match, even when no one is watching. Integrity is not optional—it’s a reflection of godly character.
6. He Is Prideful
Pride destroys intimacy and humility in a relationship. If he constantly boasts, refuses to apologize, or looks down on others, it will be hard to build a loving partnership. Scripture says, “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6 NKJV)—and God won’t send you someone He is resisting.
7. He Wants You to Change Your Identity
Healthy relationships encourage growth, but they don’t demand that you change who God made you to be. If he pressures you to alter your personality, values, or core beliefs to suit his preferences, he’s not loving you—he’s loving a version he’s created in his mind.
8. You Have Doubts More Than Peace
Even in healthy relationships, doubts may come—but there will be an underlying peace. If constant anxiety, uncertainty, or restlessness overshadows your connection, it’s worth seeking God’s guidance. Peace is one of the ways God confirms His will.
9. Your Loved Ones See Red Flags
The people who truly know you can often see warning signs before you do. If trusted friends and family express concern about his character or behavior, don’t dismiss it. God often uses the wisdom of others to protect us from harmful relationships.
10. He’s Self-Centered
Marriage thrives on mutual sacrifice. If everything revolves around his wants, his comfort, and his dreams—without regard for yours—it’s a sign of immaturity. A God-sent partner will love you sacrificially, not selfishly.
11. He Avoids Commitment
If he keeps the relationship in limbo for years, dodges conversations about the future, or refuses to define your status, he’s not preparing for marriage. God’s plan for love involves clarity, not endless uncertainty.
12. He Has No Accountability
Every godly man needs spiritual covering and guidance. If he refuses to be accountable to mentors, pastors, or family, he’s more likely to drift into poor choices. A wise man values correction because it keeps him grounded.
13. He Leads You into Sin
If dating him makes it easier to compromise your moral values—whether through sexual temptation, dishonesty, or unethical decisions—he’s not leading you toward God. The right man will guard your purity and your integrity, not weaken it.
14. He Can’t Handle Conflict Biblically
Disagreements are inevitable, but the way he handles them reveals his maturity. If he shuts down, yells, manipulates, or refuses to resolve issues, it’s a sign of trouble. God’s choice for you will be someone who seeks peace and reconciliation.
15. He’s Financially Irresponsible
Money is one of the top stress points in marriage. If he’s reckless with spending, avoids planning, or refuses to work diligently, the relationship will suffer. Stewardship matters to God, and it should matter in your choice of a partner.
16. He Has Unresolved Addictions
Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, gambling, or pornography, addictions—if left unaddressed—will deeply damage trust and intimacy. God’s best for you is a man walking in freedom or actively seeking help, not hiding his struggles.
17. He’s Spiritually Passive
Believing in God is different from actively leading in faith. If he never prays with you, avoids spiritual conversations, or leaves all faith matters to you, he’s not prepared to guide a family spiritually. A godly man takes initiative in this area.
18. You Have to Force the Relationship to Work
God’s blessings come with peace, not constant struggle. If you feel like you’re the only one fighting to keep the relationship alive, and it’s filled with more tears than joy, it’s a sign you’re outside His will. “The blessing of the Lord makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow with it” (Proverbs 10:22 NKJV).
Final Thoughts
Choosing a spouse isn’t just about finding someone who makes you laugh, takes you out, or says all the right things—it’s about finding a partner who will stand beside you as you walk in God’s calling for your life. A marriage built on mere attraction or convenience might bring temporary happiness, but it won’t stand the tests of time, trials, and spiritual warfare.
If you recognize several of these signs in your relationship, it’s not a reason to panic—it’s a reason to pause. Step back. Breathe. Take your questions to God in prayer. Remember, He sees the things you can’t, knows the motives you don’t, and understands the future you can’t yet imagine. His perspective is complete, and His plans are always rooted in your ultimate good.
The wrong relationship doesn’t just waste time—it can drain your energy, cloud your judgment, and pull you away from God’s best for your life. It can delay your growth, distract you from your mission, and in some cases, destroy the opportunities God has been preparing for you. On the other hand, the right relationship—God’s choice—will bring peace even in storms, strength in weakness, and joy in the journey. It will be marked by respect, faith, and a shared desire to honor Him in everything.
So be patient. Trust that God is not slow in keeping His promises. The waiting season is not wasted—it’s where He shapes your heart, refines your standards, and aligns your path with the one He’s chosen for you.
Pray with faith. Listen for His voice. Obey even when it’s hard. Because when it comes to your future, God’s choice is always worth the wait—and the right one will never require you to compromise your faith to keep him.
